A Meat Bicycle Built for Another Two
by BitterRenegade
Summary: Being a bro, Krieg notices how Zero and Gaige feel about each other and tries to help our favorite assassin out.


_Author's Note: Because we all know that the masked dudes would be bros. Also because I wanted to try writing Krieg. I have so much difficult writing psycho talk (Which would make many of my friends laugh, because most of them think I'm crazy. They actually started calling me 'Tiny Tina')_

_Disclaimer: I wish I owned. But I don't. Man, writing disclaimers get annoying after awhile._

~*~  
A Meat Bicycle Built for Another Two  
~*~

We sat with Zero, watching the other vault hunters argue over where to go next. Maya thought that we should return to Sanctuary and rest and get more supplies while Gaige was adamant about hunting more bandits. While we waited for them to make a decision (the two of us had decided not to get involved, leaving Salvador and Axton to come to keep the girls from brawling) I could feel Zero watch the younger woman affectionately.

Lately I had noticed how much the assassin seemed to care for the young vault hunter, usually helping her out and sticking by her side in battle. Once I had even witnessed him giving her hot cocoa. Of course, the girl simply thought it was a friendly thing. Most of the time she would think Zero was kidding, telling the older man to stop joking around while her cheeks were the colour of a tomato. As inexperienced with boys as she was, regardless of her mutual feelings towards Zero, she obviously wasn't going to realize just how much he truly cared about her any time soon.

Their oblivious relationship was much like me and Maya's, although her confusion towards my feelings was likely because I couldn't communicate with her properly. Talking through Krieg could be described as difficult, if it weren't a million times worse than that.

Which was why whenever I could, I tried to help Zero out. Especially since the other day I'd heard the beautiful Siren and Axton ask him to take Gaige out on a date.

_(Krieg, tell Zero to give Gaige a present or something-)_

"NIPPLE SALADS."

_(No, not 'nipple salads'.) _I grumbled, somewhat annoyed while Zero looked over at us with a big red question mark on his mask _(Tell him to tell Gaige how he feels.)_

"I LOOKED INTO THE HEART OF DARKNESS, AND I ATE IT ALL."

_(Seriously dude? You gotta be a bro here. Tell him what I told you or-)_

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

_(Krieg. Just listen to me and tell Zero what I've been telling you to say or I swear that I will never stop talking for the rest of our lives.)_

Krieg went silent, staring at Zero for a moment before pointing at him before pointing at Gaige, speaking up menacingly "…A meat bicycle for another two."

If I had control of our body, I would have face palmed.

"…What?" The ninja replied, looking in the direction of Gaige "What about Gaige?"

_(For their date. Tell him to give her a gun. Gaige likes guns.)_

"THE SHORT ONE LIKES GUNS."

"**:P" **Zero chuckled "I know."

"Give her one." Krieg told the assassin menacingly.

_(Thank you for actually telling him in a way he could understand?)_

"You wish for me to give Gaige a gun?" Zero replied incredulously.

I could feel Krieg frown under our mask "NO. HE DOES."

_(At least you're being honest.)_

Zero nodded at us, returning his gaze to the girls, who were still arguing "You know, Maya likes guns too. You should give her one."

Inside of Krieg's mind I began laughing in disbelief. Krieg so confused that he couldn't come up with a reply. The ninja had realized our feelings for the siren.

"I shall talk to you later, Krieg." The ninja told us, standing up and walking over to the others. He placed a four-fingered hand on Gaige's shoulder "We should return to Sanctuary."

Gaige pouted "What?"

"We can fight bandits later, and I wish to play slots."

Grumbling her acceptance, we got back into the technical (Axton driving) to return to Sanctuary. Maya, Gaige, Zero, and I sat in the back of it.

"Krieg, would you like to  
Visit Marcus with me when  
We are back at home?"

I didn't even have to tell Krieg to accept.


End file.
